Sex in the City: He was tanned, cute, with dark hair and a charmy smile and he offered me a 3 night free stay at luxurious Hilton hotel. Here are 3 reasons why I said no and chose a free banana in a cheap hostel – and why you should do it too…

  1. They most likely only want sex: These guys who tell you they liked you the first minute they saw you and you are so beautiful and they simply cannot leave you that night …. most of them are simply just looking for sex. Guys sometimes stop me in the street to say something like this, some follow me and start hugging and kissing me.  One not so good looking fellow followed me into the restaurant and sat there when I ate my meal. It was his day off from work in a restaurant and he wanted to take me to the beach. I was going to a Spanish class and was not interested. After a long time he finally understood it. Another a bit scary looking fellow who I met in the street at night, wanted me to take me for a ride in his van. I ran!  This time it happened in the bar of my hostel. A cute looking guy gave me an eye and asked if I was looking for company. I just passed, but later he came over to where I was sitting and accidentally spilt my beer and offered to by a new Heineken. I said yes. So far so good. He told me he was a helicopter pilot from Algerie on a job journey with colleagues from all over the world, and he had room for me in Hilton. I could upgrade my cheap and filthy  stay just by saying yes. Three days later he was going to leave Florida and go to New York. It was tempting to go to a luxurious hotel after two weeks in cheap hostels with room-mates, but he was probably married and it would not be worth it. Maybe for him, not for me. I have done some stupid things in my life, and a hotel romance with a married guy seeking sex, is not on my to do-list or my Bucket-list right at this moment.   Younger girls I know, tell me that they often get offers like this: A man insisted on paying for one beautiful ´s girls gas when she stopped her car at a gas station, but she was not looking for a sugar daddy and said no. He kept on asking, and wouldn’t leave her. In the end she had to say she was married. Another of my study mates actually said yes to go to at hotel with a much older guy after a salsa class. He gave her so many drinks that she got wasted and could not say no. The next day she could not wait to take a taxi back to her apartment. She regretted the sex so much she was too embarrassed to go to salsa the next day  – as he would be there too, as one of the help out guys. Also she had to go to the pharmacy to buy a regret-pill.  Regret – and what´s in it for me – are reasons to turn these offers down. Because what ´s  in it for you, rather that a short not so happy romance? These stories happen everywhere.  The MeToo-campagin did not change the world all of a sudden. Sometimes these hungry men out there seeking company for a night wants two girls. A friend of mine gets so mad when a man comes up to her and me  in a night club and invites us to three- somes that she screams at him that he can go and buy girls on the street! I am milder, but in the end I also manage to say no. The thing is, I love to meet new people and grab a beer together and chat and flirt, but the minute I feel uncomfortable it is over. Like this night in the hostel – when I said no and his answer was that I was stupid to say no and that a lot of other girls would have had accepted: He could have chosen anyone in here but chose me. That´s the minute it is definitely over for me and I just want to finish my drink and go. Or the minute they say you are probably a lesbian because you dont want their dick. Offensive behavior does not turn me on and does not make me horny. And I know the difference.
  2. You will most likely regret it: After seeing the movie «He is not that into you» episodes like this always reminds me of this movie. One unlucky girl finally learns how to turn badguys down and say no  – and look for something worth keeping. A good friend, who in the end turns out to become her boy friend, tells her «don’t do it – he is not into you. The girl look for love, not for a free drink: If you are young and out of money, it might be tempting to have a sugar daddy to pay for you for a while. If you are older an need sex, why not – we live in a free world. In the right moment when I feel young and alive and happy anything can happen! But when you have had too much to drink before, experienced some headaches, felt some stress and some regrets after some night with these not-so-hot-afterall-guys, you will learn how to say no.  Short time romance can be fine but there is such a thin line between when you feel open for romance with someone  – and when you just feel that a guy is trying to buy you like something he sees in the store and wants. Actually I find younger guys more attractive because they are sweeter and more innocent and they don’t  come on to you in the same kind of tacky way. By this I do not mean that younger guys are necessarily worth more of you time. They often just want sex too… But at least you will feel more flattered.
  3. You do not know who the guy is: The best reason to turn these offers down is that you do not know who the guy is. Girls have been killed on internet-dates. This time the guy showed me his business card, I met his colleague and had no reason to believe that he was pretending to be someone else. But the guy lives in Algerie and clearly was not serious with me, and probably has a wife and three kids there. «Who cares about this? We are in Miami,» the guy said. Well, right there I did care. This was a guy I could have liked, which actually made it worse. Also, after you go with them to their hotel, your luck might change. After two hours the charm might be all gone. I have seen some of these guys getting mad, they have a temper and they soon turn into a hungry man wolf who wants a blowjob and you dont get more else besides of that.  Or he can’t do it because he is too drunk. Of course, he might be terrific in bed and fulfill all your dreams in these three nights – and we only live once. But the fact is, there is more chance that his room will be small, he  will not pay for your dinner the next day and he will not be a good lover –  because he had too much to drink and he is selfish and because most girls need to know a guy better or at least feel safe before good sex can happen. Better offers will come. Also it is more fun to hunt than be hunted on from my point of wiew.

«Actually a free banana, meeting new friends in a hostel and a good night ´s  sleep is probably more fun than a stay at Hilton with a married man who wants sex on his last night.»

Agree or disagree?

Read more about my three week stay in Florida, USA.

How I survived sleeping in a bunkbed in a small room with 5 guys for a week

What I learnt in Florida: The American Dream does not exist, here are 6 reasons why

Pool-drama: A young man is trown out after having been harrassing other people for a week

Read more about one night stands – pros and cons:

13 Good Reasons to have a one night stand.

7 signs you are not ready for a one night stand.